i want to turn back the time knowing that i would felt this way . if i can turn back the time .. i will tell my father .. " i want a warm family i want you and mama work together and earn lots of money . I want to be like others .. having their father drive them to school .. going overseas once in a while .. living in a nice house .. yesterday when i went to my aunt house .. she live in a condo while walking to her house .. i walk pass a few condo and saw 2 female student walking back . And in my heart ..i was thinking If only ... mmm They're lucky ... Then i ask my mum . " mummy they very lucky hor. good life.. live at condo .. got papa drive them to school . " Then my mama say " You next time study well then work earn lots of money also can liddat ma . This money is you earn one Using your own hands you bought a nice house and all .. " then i told mama " no . this ..is different .. The kids here .. mother and father work together then come back and all . I want papa Work come back and drive me to school and all like the other kids have " Then 1 thing my mama said which made my heart go down . She said .. " This is life " Wah i heard her say this then i look at her then i walk infront cause im gonna cry . I think mama notice it too . maybe inside her heart she must be blaming herself " why did i marry such a husband who only gamble " Well i cant blame her. this is life.. if only i can turn back time.. i want to tell my father " daddy .. quit gambling .. i want a good life .. i want you drive nice car and i want you drive me to school . i want a nice house . And i also want you to change so mama can live good life and dont regret marrying you ... i want family love ... " Now my family seems so empty .. I wonder why sometimes my life is like that ... Looking at my friends some time i envy them .. sometimes i kinda hate it i dont know what i hate . The siblings treat each other so nice . Why ..? my second sister .. talk to her .. when she feels that it has nothing to do with her she wont ans you Unless she is in good mood . Elder sister .. i dont know how to say .. "help me fetch ethan " , "help me bath ethan" ,
" later ******* come you bring him go down help him bath first " . This is all my elder sister say .. Other than that If she have a question she just ask . I ask question i will get ignored. I was told by my elder sister " we(elder sister and second sister ) have age gap with you lah " k . that i kinda take it to heart but i dont think they care. Its ok . But why ..Regina same age as me .. her sister are much more older than her treats her so nice and her elder brother too . .WHAT THE FUCK IS SERIOUSLY WITH MY LIFE. DAMMIT FUCK MY LIFE. I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO . ALL I WANT IS MY SISTER TO TREAT ME LIKE OTHER SIBLINGS TREAT EACH OTHER TOO WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH MY LIFE. DAMMIT. crying man . saying out also no one care . no use.
I cant cry my heart out .I remember the last time i nearly cried my heart out is during adam khoo workshop . My friend seriously dont know im such a despo for care and love person . They wouldn't care to know also . {: They only see me as a irritating person who always do stupid stuff in and outside of school and joking making them laugh at me . LOl What else can i do besides this ? i cant seem to get a topic to have a super chat with them . My friends are somehow alike my sisters