As you all read u will find out what i really want and what i really do not want .Guys don't worth a drop of tear from my eyes , my sadness, my life, my soul, my mind , my jealousy and pain.. Only pain is what i get from guys , why love? Give up love for now? Cold shoulder to love? Putting it aside for a moment? Why when we do things we succeed but when theres a fall it is so painful why why why? Why are there many questions i just can't speak it out ? Why only until i had a fall then i will notice that questions ? i asked too many why.. And why is my smile fake? Why i am unable to speak out the pain , why am i so timid why am i not ruthless enough to strike why am i so afraid of others getting hurt even if it is my enemy why i still felt sorry for him or her why? Why can't i be like a murder ? fearless to strike , why i felt to hate deep down in my heart .. and i just say that i hate you or hate blah blah blah but deep down in my heart i felt no hate .. i am so unstable . my thoughts .. is like do it now and later i regret and find my actions stupid , why i say something but i don't even meant to do them ? why am i so useless and weak ? is it that i must find a time to think deep and find the answers on my own or i need someone to come and enlighten me ? why when i told myself to be more mature but in the end i just can't do it ? I am afraid if i am mature , i will became too mature to fit in to everyone else . I am not saying everyone is immature its just that i find them not mature enough but i got this feeling my deep thoughts are mature but i just didn't express it out i am afraid people say i am a show off or gossip about me , why am i so afraid ? I can't face what my life is like ..